" Mother of Teenagers" a study of the parenting techniques utilized by Danerys Stormborn Targaryen

As I slid my card through the reader, I almost passed out when I saw  the enormous number of dollars I had to pay.  My weekly (hopefully) trip to the grocery store yields enough food to feed an army.  Or possibly a few young dragons.  I have neither in my house.  I am the mother of three teenagers.

Here they are!  They don't like it when I take their photo so I have to sneak it.  (Which is ironic since they love to take selfies!)

And then it hit me! I am a Mother of Teenagers, and that is just very much like being  a Mother of Dragons.  If you are a fan of Game of Thrones,  you are familiar with Danerys Targaryen, the Real Mother of Dragons.  On the ride home, I realized how similar the two roles are.

I will begin with the most obvious.


1.  THE INSATIABLE APPETITE

The young dragons in Game of Thrones, (or any other fantasy stories)  have voracious appetites for meat.  She has trouble keeping their appetites satisfied.  They ravage the local fields of sheep and goats, and they are never satisfied.  Just like my kids!  The pantry and refrigerator is full, and overnight, it becomes empty.  My father, who recently came to take care of them for a week, couldn't figure out  why I do not own a lot of plastic storage containers for leftovers.  And then he realized, I don't need many, because there are no leftovers!  And if there are, they are gone by morning.  It doesn't even matter how much I make.  If it is there, it is gone!

2.  NEED FOR SOLITARY CONFINEMENT

Sometimes it is necessary to confine dragons in a dungeon with chains to protect them and others around them from the rash decisions of their impulses.  Danerys has to lock her dragons up in a dungeon after an innocent person is burned by dragons.  She finds this necessary for her people's safety as well as her dragons.   Teenagers often act on their impulses as well. They are discovering new appetites and temptations.  Some of them are dangerous, either because teens lack the wisdom to limit themselves to safe actions, or because what they think they want is dangerous.  I do not have to go into detail here, but a lot of what is attractive to teenagers can be detrimental to both themselves, and those around them.  They sometimes lack the self control to be in control of the situations. And that is when they need to be confined to their homes for a while, and their phones need to be (which is much worse) taken away.

3.  EMOTIONAL AND TEMPERAMENTAL
Dragons are very emotional and temperamental.  One moment they are all loving and sweet with their mother Danerys, the next they become terrifying beasts.  Teenagers, as well can be so sweet and intelligent one moment, and the next become absolute animals. Scientifically, it involves a right brain/left brain switch in their minds. And it involves hormones. They go from logical sane people, to instinctual animals.  If you know a teenager, you know its true.


4.  DID I MENTION?????
If you leave either a dragon or a teenager in your home without your supervision for a night, you may come home to a burned down house.

5.  THEY BOTH HOARD THINGS.



DANERYS HAS THE  ANSWER
Ironically in the books, she is a teenager herself.  Maybe that is why she knows instinctively how to deal with her dragons.

Disciplining and training can be tricky.  A few years ago, I taught middle school. I was introduced to a program called "Love and Logic" which is exactly that... using Love and Logic while dealing with a classroom of students or a house with a kid or two.  A huge part of the  "Love and Logic" program is learning to control yourself emotionally when you deal with inappropriate actions.  The moment kids see you become emotional, you lost the battle.  You can show compassion, but you cannot take it personally.

Here is a common Love and Logic response to a situation, "I am so sorry that you made such poor decisions.  The decision to skip school and throw a party which burnt down half of our house was a bad decision and the consequences are so tough, honey! Not only will you have to pay me back for the damage, but you won't be able to use your phone or leave the house for the next year.  That is so tough and I feel so bad for you!"  Get the idea. No yelling or screaming or crying.  You are on their side and you don't get angry.  It is their actions that are the bad guy.  Not you!  The whole program is a little more indepth than that, but that is my paragraph summary.

Sometimes I need time to calm myself inside and to figure out what the consequences should be.  I say, "I need to think about what the consequences will be, so I will get back to you when I decide."  I think they would rather take any punishment right away than wait the hours for a decision to be made.

Danerys is the perfect example of disciplining in this fashion!  Every time she makes a decision to discipline her dragons (and also her people), she is a stoic.  The decisions are very hard for her.  She feels compassion, but will not let her feelings get in the way of how she views justice.  She shows no emotion, even though it breaks her inside apart, her face shows nothing.  This is the look I need to practice!

THE MAIN GOAL IS TO TRUST THEM TO FLY ALONE
The goal with parenting is the same for both situations.   You don't want to lock them up in a tower.  You want them to be able to go out and live life, but you want to trust them to be smart and safe with their choices.    

Dabbling in Interior Design and other Ubiquitous DIY Projects

When I was a teenager, there were a few careers which I thought would be perfect for me.  I laugh at myself back then now.  But then again, I would still love to do any of them.

The first one was a writer/novelist/columnist.  I have always loved writing.  I am not saying I am a particularly good writer, but I do enjoy it.

The second career I wanted to pursue was a fashion designer.  I sewed a little and could follow a pattern. And made some cool clothes for myself.  Well, thats not entirely true!   I could never follow a pattern, because I would read them and think, "that's stupid, it would be easier or better if I did this or that instead".  Sometimes my ideas were brilliant, but more often than not, my improvements ended up as disasters.  Probably because I never learned how to make patterns or why they worked to begin with.  I could have gone to fashion design school, I don't know why I didn't.  I still love fashion, clothes and design.  I wish I knew how to create my own complex patterns.

But the third career that could have been mine was an interior design.  Patterns, colors, shapes, size, fabric, textures.... I love them all.    Anyway, I have a beautiful new house which I need to make a home on a military wife budget.  Since I didn't want to go into debt for furnishings and decorations, I have been making them myself or repurposing used items.

Before I delve straight into my projects, I would like to say that I am sooo thankful for this house.  Sometimes, we go through tough situations, to make us better people.  Better people are thankful and appreciative, and  I see this house as a gift.  One I don't deserve, but nonetheless a gift. And if you know me well, I don't think that God necessarily gives material gifts to those he loves.  Obviously not!  Just look at the world, and how the spread of wealth tends to flow.  However, for whatever reason, my house is a gift from God, for a short time, and I want to do my ultimate best to make it warm and welcoming.  And even make it a cool hang out for my kids and their friends, and youth group.

 Here are some of the projects that I have been working on.  I bought all of the furniture off of craigslist, except the wicker furniture was a garage sale find (all four pieces for $25).  Instead of creating a post for each project, I figured it would be easier to put them all here.  Of course I have more to come in the future, I am no where near done.

The patio furniture... easy peasy.  Washed, spray painted a fresh coat of white paint and covered the cushions with new fabric.  The little chairs need new cushions but I will get to that another time.

 And then I found a jewelry box on Craigslist.  I chalk painted it, slightly distressed it, and lined the interior with lilac fabric.  I finally have a place to organize my baubles.

One of the aspects I fell in love with when we looked at this house was the window seat in the breakfast nook.  To make it comfortable, I took a piece of wood (my husband cut it to size for me) and then I stapled fabric over foam on top of it to create a cushion.  It is a great spot to read a book.
I like how the breakfast nook is coming along, except the peacock painting is not large enough.  The wall looks a little bare, but it is a work in progress.

Look how happy "Chappy" (as everyone lovingly calls my Army Chaplain hubby)  looks taking a nap on the window seat.

 It is pretty comfy... I was lucky enough to have extra fabric from the chairs so that I could make some pillows to coordinate.  I don't know, maybe there is a need for more pillows?

And just so you don't think I am wonder woman and have everything in order and designed in a mere month, here is a picture of my next project room. The formal dining room, which I imagine to be more of a study area for most of the time.  We like books around here, if you couldn't tell.

 I bought the table off of craigslist for $50, and painted it, and I made the curtains, but now to organize books, and find some extra chairs. 

But to go back to my original theme, that of me being an interior designer....  I absolutely love it but I don't think I would want to do it as a career or anything.  Unless it is to teach interior design principles in a high school class.  I miss the classroom!  

Experiments with Chalk Paint

We just moved  into a new house.  Brand spanking new. I LOVE it!  The first world problem I have now is furnishing this massive place.  It is literally twice as big as the place we were living in during the past year.  I have been looking at blogs and pinterest and watching a lot of diy tv lately and love all the repurposing of older furniture that is popular now .  In particular, I wanted to try chalk paint.  Annie Sloan is the brand name, but there are not that many places that sell the paint, and I found a homemade recipe (yes I know some of you are cringing) that fellow bloggers SWEAR by.

I was given this table by our neighbors.  It was damaged in a military move, and we needed a table when we first moved to Fort Hood.  They just gave it to us.  They didn't need it anymore, and their style is no longer formal, but the Texas Rustic look.  My style is not really formal either, but I loved the lines and shape of this table.  Here are some photos of the set before.

I took the cushions off the chairs and covered them with a new material (a donation from another neighbor, yep Army neighbors are the best).  

The chalk paint recipe is basically 2 Tablespoons of sandless grout to a cup of paint, and then you water it down to be the consistency you want.  I found that I like it very thin.  And I did around 4 or 5 coats of the thin paint to slowly build up the paint to be the look I wanted.  You can layer different colors to have a rustic or vintage look, but I like the flat look for these chairs.  I then used the wood wax and gave it two coats.  So far, I have one chair completed with two more close to being done.  I wanted to try out a couple of chairs first to see how the paint holds up.  Bloggers claim that you do not need to sand or prime with this method, so I want to make sure this is true before I do the whole table.  If its true, it would be fantastic.  I think they look pretty good.

Before and After :

So a few hours of work, and several coats of paint.... I enjoy painting furniture so to me, its relaxing.  I am already on the lookout on Craiglist for another dining set and some dressers, and some barstools.  This could be fun, because with chalk painting there are so many options and "looks" you can go for.  

So.... it is done!  Today.  July 12, 2013

I am a new girl.  Changed from this experience.  I am now  addicted to chalk paint.  I love furniture wax.  I may try it as a finish on other painted furniture too.  It is even easy to wipe clean.  Tonight we had grilled salmon and as my 15 and 13 year old boys gooed up the table and dripped and dropped various textures of food and fluids all over my newly painted table, I cringed. How will this waxed finish hold up to a real cleaning?  Well, it was beautiful.  Very easy to wipe up.  

And here is the finished product...

Alcohol Ink Painting

I have been working on my portfolio with the hope that I will be accepted into grad school for an art degree.  I have been playing around with ideas of healing, nature, therapy and also the power within the building blocks of nature.  The cell structure is fascinating.  Was I the only nerd in biology class who actually thought the slides we looked at under a microscope were beautiful?

I have been playing with different mediums for this venture and thought that alcohol inks, because of their randomness at times, could actually look really cool if the whole cell slide thing were the inspiration.  Here is one I like, mostly because of the colors.

This is not going in my portfolio, it is all part of the process.  If you would like to check out the rest of my portfolio process (it is still in the planning stages), my portfolio is located at drawinglineseverywhere.blogspot.com  Any input or criticism is welcome.  

Tree by a Lake

 I had some wall space I wanted to fill.  I wanted the colors of omy new painting and the style to not clash with my print of Klimt's The Kiss.  I was thinking of making the water more swirly and segmented, but sometimes when I am painting I veer dramatically from my original plan.  I hope my attempt at making the painting folky and whimsical worked.

It fits nicely above the loveseat.  It felt good to paint.  I love acrylics.

The Turquoise Room

We are slightly enamored with all of the diy shows and home improvement programs on cable.   There is a bit of irony in this.  This is the first time we have had cable in years, and it is the first time in years we are not living in a house we own.  There is not a lot of renovation that you can do in military housing.  You can paint whatever funky colors you like, but that's about it.  That is unless you think outside the box.

I like the Property Brothers especially, because they will take the homeowners to resale shops and antique stores and totally redo the furniture to fit the mood they like.  These pieces of  "upcycled"  furniture do as much as the renovations to change the houses and rooms.  So, I decided to work on my daughter's room and see what I could do.  She has an armoire and desk from the 70's, which I had painted a pale pink a few years ago.  She was ready for some hot pink and bright teal.  I should add that what really motivated me was   a mirror my friend gave me.  It was so pretty, but needed a fresh coat of paint.  I added some finished pictures of  the mirror, as well.

I forgot to take a picture of the desk before, but to the left is the armoire before after.  Teal latex paint with acrylic copper metallic for the accents.

 The detail in the wood and the original hardware are so pretty.  You can't buy this kind of character in new furniture.

The desk was so much fun to paint.  We used the teal paint, and then I took some of my acrylic copper metallic paint and painted the hardware and brushed the edges to give an aged look.  For the seat, Rose picked out a fun hot pink fabric and I stapled it over the old dingy seat.  

I am working on creating some fun "accents" for her room.  I took an old frame and painted it to match, then used some foam board and leftover fabric to create a small bulletin board.  And the mirror that started it all.

 Her bed needs some hot pink pillows and a few more accents around the room and we'll be done.  

Wildflowers

For myself I hold no preferences among flowers, so long as they are wild, free, spontaneous. Bricks to all greenhouses! Black thumb and cutworm to the potted plant! ~Edward Abbey

Ever since I was a young girl, I have loved wildflowers. Every day, I would pick a bouquet of roadside blooms. Upstate New York has quite a variety of pretty ones.  During my adult life, living in Wisconsin, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, and New York has exposed to me to many different native flowers. However, I have never seen such a plethora of beautiful colors as I have seen the past few weeks in Texas. And its October! Wild sunflowers, daisies, and others I need to research the names of are in full bloom in the fields everywhere!
I snuck back behind our development yesterday, where there is a little forest with small meadows and awesome gnarly trees to take some photos.  Today, I couldn't resist picking some while walking Rose to school.  In New Hampshire, you can get ticketed for picking wildflowers.  I don't know the laws in Texas, so I have been expecting the military police to track me down all morning.

Daisies in October!  In New York, they are a June flower. In NH, late June, early July.   In NC, they are a May bloom.  Although this flower is in the daisy family, it is not the same species as the spring variety.  Still is pretty, though.

 This looks like a sweetpea.

 I think this is some sort of sunflower.  They grow rather tall with multiple blooms on each plant.

 If you take a close look at the leaves, they are really cool.  I have no idea what type of flower this is.  I need a flower identifier for this area.

 Some short ground level yellow daisies.

 And here is my bouquet, which I am sure will be the cause of me being dragged away by the MPs.

I am rather embarassed by the fact that I don't know the names of all of the flowers. I think I need to take a trip to Barnes and Noble for a Wildflower field guide. And maybe a latte. 

Adventures in San Antonio

On our trip to San Antonio, I was on  a secret mission to find designs, colors, and architectural elements to inspire my patterns, doodling and painting.  San Antonio is a city that I would love to live in.  The place is saturated with Texas history, and the buildings and streets are so old and elegant. The hotel we stayed in was once a bank.  There were etchings, moldings and Arts and Crafts style fixtures everywhere, and in the basement was a vault!  The basement level of the hotel had an entrance to the Riverwalk which was absolutely beautiful. 
I brought my camera along and caught a few shots.

 I love the chains holding up this little bridge...

 A mosaic on a wall portraying the historical city buildings...

 I let my daughter take some pictures, too.  She loved this statue.
Then of course there was the Alamo....

 For some odd reason, I kept on finding lonely stars in the oddest places....

 I love old stone churches, this is one of the churches in downtown area...

 And old, abandoned buildings... something about the contrasting colors in this building is so attractive.

 Gridwork in the hotel entrance...

 Stone banners in hotel lobby (formerly Alamo National Bank 1929)

 A stained glass window in same hotel lobby

 Another star, in the ceiling of the hotel.  I love the designes on the left and right.

 The sky is so big here, the clouds are fascinating me lately.  Can't wait to pull out some pastels to paint them.  This is the view from our hotel window. 

Luckily, San Antonio is only 2 hours and a few minutes a way.  This weekend was mostly a work weekend and we only were able to see a small portion of what the city offers.