As I slid my card through the reader, I almost passed out when I saw the enormous number of dollars I had to pay. My weekly (hopefully) trip to the grocery store yields enough food to feed an army. Or possibly a few young dragons. I have neither in my house. I am the mother of three teenagers.
Here they are! They don't like it when I take their photo so I have to sneak it. (Which is ironic since they love to take selfies!)
And then it hit me! I am a Mother of Teenagers, and that is just very much like being a Mother of Dragons. If you are a fan of Game of Thrones, you are familiar with Danerys Targaryen, the Real Mother of Dragons. On the ride home, I realized how similar the two roles are.
I will begin with the most obvious.
1. THE INSATIABLE APPETITE
The young dragons in Game of Thrones, (or any other fantasy stories) have voracious appetites for meat. She has trouble keeping their appetites satisfied. They ravage the local fields of sheep and goats, and they are never satisfied. Just like my kids! The pantry and refrigerator is full, and overnight, it becomes empty. My father, who recently came to take care of them for a week, couldn't figure out why I do not own a lot of plastic storage containers for leftovers. And then he realized, I don't need many, because there are no leftovers! And if there are, they are gone by morning. It doesn't even matter how much I make. If it is there, it is gone!
2. NEED FOR SOLITARY CONFINEMENT
Sometimes it is necessary to confine dragons in a dungeon with chains to protect them and others around them from the rash decisions of their impulses. Danerys has to lock her dragons up in a dungeon after an innocent person is burned by dragons. She finds this necessary for her people's safety as well as her dragons. Teenagers often act on their impulses as well. They are discovering new appetites and temptations. Some of them are dangerous, either because teens lack the wisdom to limit themselves to safe actions, or because what they think they want is dangerous. I do not have to go into detail here, but a lot of what is attractive to teenagers can be detrimental to both themselves, and those around them. They sometimes lack the self control to be in control of the situations. And that is when they need to be confined to their homes for a while, and their phones need to be (which is much worse) taken away.
3. EMOTIONAL AND TEMPERAMENTAL
Dragons are very emotional and temperamental. One moment they are all loving and sweet with their mother Danerys, the next they become terrifying beasts. Teenagers, as well can be so sweet and intelligent one moment, and the next become absolute animals. Scientifically, it involves a right brain/left brain switch in their minds. And it involves hormones. They go from logical sane people, to instinctual animals. If you know a teenager, you know its true.
4. DID I MENTION?????
If you leave either a dragon or a teenager in your home without your supervision for a night, you may come home to a burned down house.
5. THEY BOTH HOARD THINGS.
DANERYS HAS THE ANSWER
Ironically in the books, she is a teenager herself. Maybe that is why she knows instinctively how to deal with her dragons.
Disciplining and training can be tricky. A few years ago, I taught middle school. I was introduced to a program called "Love and Logic" which is exactly that... using Love and Logic while dealing with a classroom of students or a house with a kid or two. A huge part of the "Love and Logic" program is learning to control yourself emotionally when you deal with inappropriate actions. The moment kids see you become emotional, you lost the battle. You can show compassion, but you cannot take it personally.
Here is a common Love and Logic response to a situation, "I am so sorry that you made such poor decisions. The decision to skip school and throw a party which burnt down half of our house was a bad decision and the consequences are so tough, honey! Not only will you have to pay me back for the damage, but you won't be able to use your phone or leave the house for the next year. That is so tough and I feel so bad for you!" Get the idea. No yelling or screaming or crying. You are on their side and you don't get angry. It is their actions that are the bad guy. Not you! The whole program is a little more indepth than that, but that is my paragraph summary.
Sometimes I need time to calm myself inside and to figure out what the consequences should be. I say, "I need to think about what the consequences will be, so I will get back to you when I decide." I think they would rather take any punishment right away than wait the hours for a decision to be made.
Danerys is the perfect example of disciplining in this fashion! Every time she makes a decision to discipline her dragons (and also her people), she is a stoic. The decisions are very hard for her. She feels compassion, but will not let her feelings get in the way of how she views justice. She shows no emotion, even though it breaks her inside apart, her face shows nothing. This is the look I need to practice!
THE MAIN GOAL IS TO TRUST THEM TO FLY ALONE
The goal with parenting is the same for both situations. You don't want to lock them up in a tower. You want them to be able to go out and live life, but you want to trust them to be smart and safe with their choices.
Here they are! They don't like it when I take their photo so I have to sneak it. (Which is ironic since they love to take selfies!)
And then it hit me! I am a Mother of Teenagers, and that is just very much like being a Mother of Dragons. If you are a fan of Game of Thrones, you are familiar with Danerys Targaryen, the Real Mother of Dragons. On the ride home, I realized how similar the two roles are.
I will begin with the most obvious.
1. THE INSATIABLE APPETITE
2. NEED FOR SOLITARY CONFINEMENT
Sometimes it is necessary to confine dragons in a dungeon with chains to protect them and others around them from the rash decisions of their impulses. Danerys has to lock her dragons up in a dungeon after an innocent person is burned by dragons. She finds this necessary for her people's safety as well as her dragons. Teenagers often act on their impulses as well. They are discovering new appetites and temptations. Some of them are dangerous, either because teens lack the wisdom to limit themselves to safe actions, or because what they think they want is dangerous. I do not have to go into detail here, but a lot of what is attractive to teenagers can be detrimental to both themselves, and those around them. They sometimes lack the self control to be in control of the situations. And that is when they need to be confined to their homes for a while, and their phones need to be (which is much worse) taken away.
3. EMOTIONAL AND TEMPERAMENTAL
Dragons are very emotional and temperamental. One moment they are all loving and sweet with their mother Danerys, the next they become terrifying beasts. Teenagers, as well can be so sweet and intelligent one moment, and the next become absolute animals. Scientifically, it involves a right brain/left brain switch in their minds. And it involves hormones. They go from logical sane people, to instinctual animals. If you know a teenager, you know its true.
4. DID I MENTION?????
If you leave either a dragon or a teenager in your home without your supervision for a night, you may come home to a burned down house.
5. THEY BOTH HOARD THINGS.
DANERYS HAS THE ANSWER
Ironically in the books, she is a teenager herself. Maybe that is why she knows instinctively how to deal with her dragons.
Disciplining and training can be tricky. A few years ago, I taught middle school. I was introduced to a program called "Love and Logic" which is exactly that... using Love and Logic while dealing with a classroom of students or a house with a kid or two. A huge part of the "Love and Logic" program is learning to control yourself emotionally when you deal with inappropriate actions. The moment kids see you become emotional, you lost the battle. You can show compassion, but you cannot take it personally.
Here is a common Love and Logic response to a situation, "I am so sorry that you made such poor decisions. The decision to skip school and throw a party which burnt down half of our house was a bad decision and the consequences are so tough, honey! Not only will you have to pay me back for the damage, but you won't be able to use your phone or leave the house for the next year. That is so tough and I feel so bad for you!" Get the idea. No yelling or screaming or crying. You are on their side and you don't get angry. It is their actions that are the bad guy. Not you! The whole program is a little more indepth than that, but that is my paragraph summary.
Sometimes I need time to calm myself inside and to figure out what the consequences should be. I say, "I need to think about what the consequences will be, so I will get back to you when I decide." I think they would rather take any punishment right away than wait the hours for a decision to be made.
Danerys is the perfect example of disciplining in this fashion! Every time she makes a decision to discipline her dragons (and also her people), she is a stoic. The decisions are very hard for her. She feels compassion, but will not let her feelings get in the way of how she views justice. She shows no emotion, even though it breaks her inside apart, her face shows nothing. This is the look I need to practice!
THE MAIN GOAL IS TO TRUST THEM TO FLY ALONE
The goal with parenting is the same for both situations. You don't want to lock them up in a tower. You want them to be able to go out and live life, but you want to trust them to be smart and safe with their choices.
